Developing personality traits

By doing things and developing personality traits which denied the presence of hostile feelings, he could make the hiding act more complete.

Pretty Deana did this one way. She was so shy and sweet that she automatically saw herself as the dear little darling who wouldn't hurt a fly. Meanwhile she held in the "bad" feelings so tightly that the good feelings didn't come out either. "What's wrong with Deana?" her vexed and bewildered parents asked. "She doesn't give out warmth. She's solitary. She doesn't make any friends."

Tall Charly did it another way. Despite his broad shoulders and finely knit muscles, he couldn't do well in competitive sports. "I keep fumbling," he complained, "instead of connecting up with the ball. I keep missing tackles. Or I stumble or fall at the crucial moment . . ."

Down underneath, Charly was hiding the ugly load of hostility grown so big that he wanted to fight and injure everyone in his path. By stumbling and fumbling and turning awkward he was denying his too-strong, accumulated and hidden impulse to beat and hurt.

Often people go by opposites. Take yourself. Aren't you aware occasionally of being inwardly annoyed although outwardly you put on your nicest manner so as not to show how you actually feel? Sometimes you do this quite consciously. Sometimes, you do it unconsciously.

"I simply can't say 'No' to Johnny," said Johnny's mother. But when she came to know her underneath feelings, she saw that she was hiding and denying her desire to say "No" to Johnny most of the time.

Sue's adoration of a younger sister had always pleased Sue's parents. " Sue's not a bit jealous, bless her. Those books that claim children resent each other are certainly wrong."

But a day arrived when Sue discovered that her ultralovingness had been the opposite of what she had really felt.